Why does she stay?
So, you've been there for countless break ups, tears and heart to heart conversations
You thought you'd finally convinced your friend that her partners drunken antics, awful behaviour and foul mouth are beneath her. Last week she even seemed like this was the 'real break-up.'
But, you've just found out they're giving it another go.
It's tough right? Watching your friend go back and forth to someone who doesn't deserve her.
Maybe you're considering giving up on her all together. After all you've got your own mental health and wellbeing to take care of - right?
Before you decide to call it quits - stop.
Isolation is a dangerous place for a young woman to be when dealing with emotional abuse. It's important that your friend has some support available, as frustrating as this all is.
Let us give you four common reasons to answer that question, Why does she stay?
LACK OF SELF-LOVE & SELF-WORTH.
Emotional abuse chips away at your self-worth, confidence and independence.
You can find yourself so dependant on your abuser. You may even begin to believe things that would seem absolutely crazy to any one else if they heard it.
Things like, "No one else is ever going to love you" feel real.
You may look at your friend and see the funny, strong, independent woman you've loved all these years. But when you friend sees herself it's the complete opposite. Feelings on not being pretty enough, worthy enough or as though anyone else is going to love her could be very real.
ISOLATION FROM FAMILY & FRIENDS.
An emotional abuser will do their best to isolate you from friends and family.
Isolation is dangerous. It keeps emotional abuse private and disconnects you from the people who love you and know you most. So, when you're ready to reach out for help, it's much harder.
Your friend might promise to come to the events, but never turn up. Always be short on cash, or have to help her partner with someone that's more important that your birthday, graduation or coffee date. These are early signs of isolation sinking in.
Sometimes it's just embarrassing to be asking for help.
Your friend might be worried that her lack of staying connected or constant going back to her partner has killed your friendship. Or, she may be feeling like her problems aren't significant compared to your busy life.
HANGING ON TO A FANTASY.
Often an emotional abuser is very charming in the beginning of a relationship.
Cute text messages, lot's of social media activity, hanging out together at parties, buying gifts, endless compliments and plenty of dates. They appear to be loving but this behaviour changes quickly and subtly into emotional abuse.
Your friend could be hanging on to the person she first fell in love with, a fantasy.
It is very common for shitty behaviour to be followed up by promises to change, buying gifts or love and affection. This can lead you friend to believe that there is hope for the relationship.
ONLINE VS REALITY.
With the rising trend to curate the perfect gram feed, snapchats and status updates we live a lot of our life online. There is a pressure to keep up, look good, have the perfect filters and angles in our selfies. Not to mention making sure everything is aesthetically pleasing.
That #TBT to last years Bali trip with bae may look great.
But, it can also be an escape from whats really happening behind closed doors.
Social media gives us instant feedback and validation and not always for the right reasons.
A few double taps on a photo can instantly make someone feel good and forget about that Snapchat streak with 'her.'
It's sad, but it's true. The online world can numb us from what's really happening in life.
SO WHAT DO I DO?