Why your values matter in a relationship.
When I was younger I came across the idea that everyone has ‘another half’ and once you find your other half they are meant to ‘complete you.’ i.e. you become whole when you meet this person. Girls, I’m calling BS on that. Why? Because this suggests you are not a whole person already, and we both know this just isn't true.
A relationship isn’t about finding someone else to complete you. A healthy relationship is one where two people can come together and form a kickass team. A team that has each others back and tackles challenges and problems together.
The thing is babe, your relationships with others are only as resilient and strong as the two people in them. And, I think we can safely say we all want to be in relationships with healthy, whole and amazing people. Amirite?
This is why knowing what you value is so important.
Know who you are, what you value, and what you stand for, before jumping into a relationship. Yes, it takes a bit of courage to ask these questions and some work to find out what really gets you out of bed in the morning. It also sets you up with some clear boundaries for a healthy relationship. So, you can live your best life.
When we know what's truly important to ourselves, it helps us determine if we're hanging out with the right kinds of people. They say, we become like the five people we spend most of our time with. Which means if our friends, partner or flatmates don't align with our values - it might cause some problems. Getting clear on your values is key.
So, where do you start?
You could start by simply answering the question, what do you truly value?
Our values give us a roadmap for life. It’s not about the boring life-admin things we all have to do sometimes like the dishes, but the things that really matter the most to you. For me, I value harmony. This means I hang out with people who are solutions focused. I don't have time to get caught up in conflicts and problems. So, I choose my circle of friends accordingly.
You might value something different, like your family. That could mean spending time with your loved ones on the regular is a non-negotiable. Our values should always stand and be respected whether we're single or in a relationship.
It’s risky business to be in a relationship without being clear on what you value, babe.
It also doesn’t feel very good. I know, because I spent years trying to live up to other people's expectations of who I should be. Instead of having the courage to live a life that was true to me, I let myself be silenced in a relationship. I put my values to the side and lost who I was in the process.
I remember being told to keep quiet and that my opinions were wrong. I tried to be quiet, be a ‘good partner’ and not rock the boat. There was no harmony in this relationship and I wasn't happy. ( Spoiler alert, that relationship did not work out! )
Thankfully, since then I've got really clear on my own values. I know for sure, that being able to use my voice is important. I know that being authentic in a relationship and respected for it is really important to me - plus it’s just plain healthy.
My point here is, if you go into a relationship not clear on who you are, then it’s hard to tell where your boundaries lie and when they have been crossed. This makes it hard to say no to things when they don’t feel right.
Babe, we happen to think you're worthy of a beautiful healthy relationship. The first step, starts with you and what you value.
So, what do you truly value?
If you follow us on the gram, you'll know we've been asking this question a lot, what do you truly value? Many of you told us that you value happiness, laughter, gratitude, strength and authenticity. You might even resonate with something totally different like equality, ethical, environment and kindness. Or passion, family, adventure and joy. That's fine!
What's important is that you choose your values for you and not someone else.
Wanna learn more about values?
Don't worry babe. We're not done yet.
Next week we’re chatting with Sophia about her journey to self-love. An incredible story that highlights the importance of understanding our values in a relationship and the risk we take when we don’t. Talk soon xx