Second chances and if an emotional abuser can ever change.


Hey gals, the inbox on our gram has been flooded with messages about all things relationships and emotional abuse lately. This question is one that so many of us want to know the answer to. When is it OK to give a second chance? Can an emotional abuser ever change?

We're gonna get straight to the point with this answer babe. Brace yourself, it may not be the answer that you're ready to hear. 

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This is a BIG BIIIG question gal. The reason we say that is because it's quite possible that you've come here to solve your own relationship problem. Should you stay in a relationship that's abusive? When is it OK to give a second chance? We know it's hard. You're considering your entire future here. 

So, let's get into it. 


Can an emotional abuser ever change?

Yes. However it's important to be realistic. It's not an overnight change.

It takes a lot of work and commitment to change your habits or behaviour. It requires the rewiring of patterns that become natural to you. That takes a lot of hard work gal. 

If someone tells you that they will change it can feel really good. It may feel like finally things will get back to 'normal' or to a place that you desire. So, what happens if the promise is broken?


Is it OK to give a second chance? 

Honestly, it's hard to give you a straight up yes or no to giving someone a second chance without having a full picture. Everyones situation is different. Everyone's relationship is different. 

What's important gal is that you're considering YOURSELF when making this decision. 

Here are some things to consider:

  • Do you trust this person?

  • Do you feel safe with this person?

  • Have they said they will change before and not kept their word?

  • What are your expectations of this person if you are to get back together? If you tell them what your expectations are, will they respect them?

  • What do they want from this relationship and can you offer that?

  • Do they align with your values?

  • Do you feel free with this person?

  • Do your goals align?

  • Is this person showing you actionable steps they have taken to change?

  • Have you both taken some time apart?

  • Have you chatted to someone else about the situation? What did they think?

At the end of the day a second chance really boils down to your choice. You have to be the gatekeeper of whether this is the right decision. Is this person worthy of your time, your love, your energy? Is this what you believe love to be? Do you believe you deserve better?

It can take years to reverse patterns of abusive behaviour. And some big changes to your environment, circle of friends and behaviours to commit. It requires more than just the two of you to make a difference. You will need a support system for your relationship and for you both as individuals to make this work. Is that an option for you? To openly share your relational challenges with others? There is your answer. 

The truth is gal ... If you have even the slightest bit of doubt ... trust your gut, move on.