Why people stay in abusive relationships.
Let's talk about ... why she doesn't leave the relationship.
Gal, we get it. You're always there for the break ups, tears and had so many heart to heart conversations.
You've lost count of the times she has gone back. And you've said the words, "you deserve so much better" enough.
So, why doesn't she leave?
This conversation comes up often in our workshops. As a friend, we just want to show our sister, bestie or flatmate how amazing she really is. It does get frustrating. Maybe, you've started talking to someone about it. Before you consider walking away from your friendship though - read this blog. It might be everything you needed to hear.
The fear of being lonely.
It's a real thing gal. The fear that leaving a relationship might leave us doomed to the single life forever. Your friend could be worried that her partner is the only person who will love her. ( Which we both know is crazy! ) The thing is though, there is a HUGE difference between being alone and being lonely.
This is not something you wanna get twisted. Being alone is awesome and empowering. Lonely isn't.
The good news is, your gal won't be lonely. She's got you babe. Maybe send her this link to this blog.
Isolation makes you do some silly things.
Has your friend been keeping distance between you? Bailing on plans at the very last minute? Always having to check in and see what her partner is doing before committing to hanging out? These are some early signs of isolation starting to seep in and it will make her do some silly things.
Babe, we become like the five people we spend most of out time around. So, if your girl is constantly around her partner and never her friends or family, she will act a little differently. Suddenly her world becomes about making her partner happy. It's not longer about her happiness or other relationships. Isolation is a cloudy space to live in when you're in love. Don't let it happen.
Make an impromptu visit, call out of the blue, send a cute handmade card.
Keep reminding this girl that you're there for her and most importantly that you LOVE her.
Living a dream.
You know those early stages of a relationship? When everything is charming and exciting. All the cute little text messages, dates, gifts, compliments or gram photos have your heart skipping beats. They can make us feel pretty good about ourselves.
While these are awesome; you need a lot more than a few cute moments to make a healthy relationship. If your friends relationship isn't so cute anymore and leaves her broken hearted she might be hung up on the dream state. Caught up in what was and not with what truly is. Or, short fleeting moments of compliments and cute texts could leave her feeling like things are finally changing.
If you've seen this scenario tried and failed a few to many times, we give you permission to call BS. But, play nice babe.
You wanna call out the behaviours not him or her. We explain why here.
Online vs real life.
A bit like 'living a dream.' Things might look OK on the outside, but really ....
Maybe the snapchats are always about a cute date. The gram is full of perfectly curated images of them both. Your friend could be the ultimate guru when it comes to things like self-love, career progression, relationships or she might be that girl who full of wise quotes. If all the signs online say that things are great but you're up at 3am nursing a broken heart. It's time for some #RealTalk.
Babe, are you OK?
What we're saying here gals is that relationships can get a bit confusing. The last thing we wanna do as friends is walk away from someone we love, when they probably need us most. No matter how frustrating things might get.
Did you know it can take up to 7 attempts to leave an abusive relationship?
So, if you're supporting someone don't be hard on yourself if this is attempt three to get her to leave and it's not happening. Know that success is actually having a conversation. Being a friend who is supportive and shows love.
Look after yourself too babe xx